A look at the lighter side of sleep apnea therapy and treatment!

CPAP Problems and Tips
I’ve Got 99 Problems but CPAP Ain’t One.

1. Your friends and family will make every sci-fi character reference that comes to mind when they see you with your mask on. Darth Vader has been the longest comparison but Bane has been the most popular in recent years. Let’s also not forget the elephant trunk reference made to the tubing. “Luke, I am your father”.

2. For years you have been exiled to the couch or guest bedroom but since you brought home that new CPAP you are now welcome back to the master bedroom.

3. You are constantly questioned about those marks or lines on your face during that first hour at work. “No, I didn’t get mugged on my way to work”.

4. Your bed partner asks you a question while you’re trying to fall asleep and when you answer back a flood of pressurized air blows out of your mouth.

5. The middle of the night bathroom walk seems more like a walk in space with your mask still on.

6. some point you have awoke to the sensation of being squeezed by a boa constrictor only to realize your hose tubing has attacked you during the night.

7. You tell someone that you use a CPAP machine and they automatically assume that means you sleep with an “oxygen machine”.

8. You purchase distilled water so often that the local grocery store cashier is convinced you are a “doomsday prepper”.

9. Your humidifier setting can mean the difference between feeling like you’re in the Amazon or the Sahara. You either wake up to mask cushion filled with water or so dry that you expect to see a mirage.

10. When you find a fellow CPAP user they will tell you they have the best mask on the market and immediately turn on the used car salesman speech to convince you to try one.

11. Your golfing/camping buddies make sure to remind you up until the last minute to be sure to bring your “CPAT machine” or “CPACK machine” with you or you’re bunking on your own.

12. You have been poked during the middle of the night because the CO2 exhaust from your mask is blowing directly into the face of your spouse/bed partner.

13. Panic sets in when you leave town and forgot to bring any CPAP supply that will stop you from using your machine. You become a man/woman on a mission to find a local store to get that part you need or someone that can ship it to you overnight.

14. At least on one occasion you have woken up and found your mask off of your face and laying somewhere with the machine still blowing out air. Congratulations, you are now a believer in the paranormal.

15.  Your night spent at the sleep lab can be compared to or described as what most would think when they visualize an alien abduction probing. On a positive note, at least the sleep technician made you a pot of coffee in the morning before you left.

16. Cranky, tired and unable to focus usually means you didn’t sleep with your therapy device last night and those that know you best will be sure to remind you that you need to make sure you use it tonight.

17. Your inner child comes out and you giggle at the “whoopee cushion” sound the mask seal makes when it isn’t strapped on tight enough.